listen to me
in a world without gods
because it transcends matter, time and space
it keeps us going, it fills us with optimism
it’s the ultimate resource for survival
in a forgotten worldas a breeze carrying seed to a distant land
love spreads infinite hope
when the spell is broken
look up at the stars
memories of scattered love
will spring from the universe
and fill up your soul
you will keep that moment
and find the goddess inside your pure being
waiting to be pleased
a constellation of joy will guide you
I hope you enjoyed my poem and have a great weekend,
My word for 2023 is expansion, in the sense of claiming space for myself. My colour for this year is blue, immense as the sky and the oceans. What do I want? Not sure, but I want to breathe and be free.
Today, I saw the prompt for the story challenge in 99-words on the Carrot Ranch blog – Sabbatical. I was wondering how it would feel to have a sabbatical from me, the person I’m now.
Here it is in 99-words:
Sabbatical from me
One year not being me. Who would I be? A person carrying the weight of the past, or new thoughts would populate my mind. No attachment to society, no deadlines, of course, no blogging or Instagram. Total freedom of being. A cabin on a small island; a beach or a mountain; a fireplace and white lace curtains dancing with the soft breeze. No watch, no time, just flowing as the sun and the moon. Lots of journals and books. A garden with fresh vegetables and fruits. A cat as a companion, a golden one, to brighten up the cabin.
Today, I woke up and I wanted to write, do you know the urge to put down words on paper?
My thoughts were: could I start over again and remove all the weight of the past from my shoulders and walk through the sun? I didn’t want to sit and write in my journal as if it was a secret, but I wanted to write for the world, to let my feelings fly away.
RENEW who we are! Is it possible without erasing the past?
The past, mainly the mistakes, always knocks on the door of the present. I can feel a lightness after a yoga session, a few minutes of meditation, or a lovely vacation. I say: I’m ready for changes, to start over. But without any notice, those thoughts came back and put me down, like nothing has changed, I am the same as always.
Before you start to imagine which mistakes I’ve made, I let you know that I didn’t commit any crime against humanity. I’m talking about choices I made, words I said, or didn’t say, lack of self-respect and self-love, acts and actions that impacted mostly myself.
Lost in the darkest night
Thoughts are nightmares
Light is far away
Is it always me
who carries the sorrow
and the what-ifs?
Isn't enough to just be
and let go?
Forgiveness is there
a treasure waiting to be found
Tension, stress, circumstances out of control, losing my true essence.
I need to understand what has happened. I need to write and make sense of my actions. Browsing around WordPress I found this challenge, so get ready to listen to me. I’m grateful to have a few minutes of your time.
Last week, while visiting my family and friends by the seaside, I went to a restaurant and I lost control of myself. Everything started when my father, a 92-year-old retiree, said he wants to eat a shrimp dish from a famous restaurant in town. It was a great idea to go there, I don’t like shrimp but they have a variety of fish and it will be nice to treat my father with good food.
I had planned to visit an old family friend during my stay as well, so we decided to invite her and her family to have lunch with us. The restaurant is one of the most expensive in town, the food is delicious and the view is breathtaking. I thought we would have a wonderful time and I’d take care of the check, it will be a treat for my father and my friend’s family, they are lovely people. Early morning, my friend sent me a message telling me that she had invited another couple to go with us. I didn’t like the idea, I thought my father wouldn’t be comfortable around strangers, and I was looking for spending time with my them, not to be worried about small talk, but I didn’t say anything to her. Before leaving, my father said that he would pay for everybody. I told him, No! It was a treat to him and I would pay, or we would divide the bill since now more people are coming.
The event that should have been cozy friends get together now turned out to be a social kind of meeting.When I was getting ready I had the feeling that things wouldn’t turn our nice. Do you know, the intuition! But as usual, I didn’t listen to it! At the restaurant, my father looked for the shrimp dish he wanted, and when he saw the price, $ 250.00, he said he didn’t want it anymore, I told him, it’s ok, we came here for it. He said he didn’t want it because he didn’t like one of the ingredients in the dish. I said Ok, they have other shrimp dishes and we can get another one. My friend and her family arrived and she said we should order a combo dish and everyone share it, the restaurant has some dishes that feed 6 people.
I was already getting stressed, I didn’t care what I would eat since my father and kids had what they want. We were a total of 9 people, my kids don’t like fish and they quickly chose a beef dish to share, my friend’s husband and kid chose a fish dish to share as well, and the rest of us shared a shrimp dish. Remember that I don’t like shrimp! I gave all the shrimp from my share to my father and ate only a little bit of rice. When we were still eating the desert, my father got his credit card and told me to ask the check, that he was going to pay. I imagined it would be almost 1/2 of his monthly pension. I said no, you won’t pay it, he started to insist. Everybody laughing, talking, and I was feeling I was going to explode, do you know the feeling, when you want to hide in a black hole. I wasn’t happy with the food, I didn’t like all the pressure.
Adding the appetizers, drinks, and deserts the bill was around 1000.00. I wasn’t going to let my father pay for it, I know how it is difficult for him to keep up with his budget. I wasn’t paying it either, I felt it wasn’t fair since I was the one that ate the least and wasn’t have fun. So the question: How to divide it? My friend said, we divide by 3; my family, her family and the couple. I said it wasn’t fair to the couple. The couple said, we divide per the number of the people, and pay according. I’m not sure but didn’t think that it would be fair either. I got hold of the bill, my phone’s calculator and started to add each small thing that each one had eaten or drunk. My friend agreed and helped me to do the calculations. In the end, we paid exactly what our families had consumed. I was in so much stress that I forgot the pin for my credit card, I had to try 2 times before it went through, my mind was completed blank.
I left the restaurant drained. And now one week later I’m still thinking about it. What did happen to me? Why was I so cheap? I could have paid the full bill or at least a half, but I only wanted to leave that place. Recently my threshold is decreasing, I can’t keep up being around people, I can’t think straight when I’m in a situation of stress. Now, I’m back home and instead of thinking about all the other moments of joy I had during the trip I’m feeling guilty for my actions.
Well, thanks for listening! If you are still here, I’d love to hear your thoughts about my behaviour.