Fall colours are popping up around here, starting with the golden sunlight in the early morning and late afternoon. I saw these sunflowers at the grocery store last week. They have the most exquisite colours, and I couldn’t resist; I brought them home.
Pumpkin spice is my fave taste this time of the year, everything, from lattes to candles. Cinnamon, apple pies… delicious, and delicious.
And of course, cozy up with a great story. I got these three books for September. Strong women’s characters are always my to go when choosing a book.
Little things here and there, trying to focus on the positive.
“There is a harmony in autumn, and a lustre in its sky, which through the summer is not heard or seen, as if it could not be, as if it had not been!”
I’m always searching for light, both in the true sense of brightness and the lightness in my thoughts, my being.
Spring is coming, at least trying, the fight with winter seems never-ending. Slowly it gets there, the signs are everywhere; from the grocery store, loaded with tulips and fresh produce, to my garden where the signs are still subtle but promising.
TulipsLilac
The Earth is smiling and starting to dress up in all colours.
However, darkness lurks in the corner, waiting for an opportunity to take us down. Be wise and keep a source of light at all times.
I haven’t posted here for so long, always leaving it for next week and next week, and now it has been months since I last showed up in this space.
Spring has arrived, but not completely; it is still fighting the winter. We had some snowflakes this weekend.
Catching up on a few things I have done recently:
Long walks outdoors. The river was frozen for so long, and I love to hear the song of the water underneath the ice.
Tulips. I can’t resist and end up buying lots of them. I’m practicing my photography skills using them as a model.
Reading and writing, as always!
Baking delicious and healthy meals. And of course, drinking lots of coffee and tea.
Plants are never enough! On the left my new indoor baby, turtle string, the tiny leaves are so cute. And on the right, tulips are starting to pop up in my garden.
Hope you had a wonderful winter and are enjoying the new season.
Pretend The world is still spinning The laugh is loud and the joy never ends Pretend you are the same Tomorrow never comes The feelings are stagnated Pretend until the truth shows its face And the world ends
Thanksgiving weekend in Canada. My dad passed away a few days ago. I feel alone, part of me is gone. My mother passed away in 2011, now I’ve no parents, it’s a feeling of abandonment. It seems I was walking on a tightrope with each one of them holding one of my hands. I still had my father holding me when my mother left, so I kept the balance, he wouldn’t let me fall. Now, my hands are free and I need to keep the balance by myself. As I write this I’m thinking maybe I was the one who abandoned him, I could have done more for him, I could have been more present, I could have done this and that.
Grief and guilt for sure walk hand in hand. The what ifs which have followed all my life get stronger at this time. I’m constantly journaling and meditating, trying to understand each step of the grieving process. At some moments the pain hits hard but most of the time I’m calm, trying to observe my feelings from a distance instead of diving deeper into them.
Is there something to give thanks? Yes, I have many things to be thankful for. This year in particular my thanks go to my parents, for their love, strength, honesty, dignity, values, their simplicity and smile, how they always put us kids in the first place and did everything possible and sometimes the impossible to help us to grow and thrive in this world.
They left us (3 kids, 4 grandkids, 2 grand grandkids) with many material treasures, but the most important of all are the memories which we will keep forever and hopefully pass through many generations.
Thank you for being here with me and I hope you have something to give thanks today!
It is a cloudy day, raining coming and going. Silence. I’m in the living room looking through the window, trying to find words, organizing my thoughts.
I baked a cake and read a few pages. My thoughts are coming and going as the rain. I don’t have stillness; I need someone, something.
I miss the years which went by so fast, I miss the opportunities I didn’t take, I miss the time I could have spent close to the people I loved, I miss the past. I got lost on the journey. I miss myself, the true-self who is masked by a pretense of being a daughter, wife, mother, employee …, many layers hiding myself.
Who am I when I’m disrobed of all the titles above?
Tea & Paper 