Is there something to be thankful for?

From my mom’s wedding china set.

Thanksgiving weekend in Canada. My dad passed away a few days ago. I feel alone, part of me is gone. My mother passed away in 2011, now I’ve no parents, it’s a feeling of abandonment. It seems I was walking on a tightrope with each one of them holding one of my hands. I still had my father holding me when my mother left, so I kept the balance, he wouldn’t let me fall. Now, my hands are free and I need to keep the balance by myself. As I write this I’m thinking maybe I was the one who abandoned him, I could have done more for him, I could have been more present, I could have done this and that. 

Grief and guilt for sure walk hand in hand. The what ifs which have followed all my life get stronger at this time. I’m constantly journaling and meditating, trying to understand each step of the grieving process. At some moments the pain hits hard but most of the time I’m calm, trying to observe my feelings from a distance instead of diving deeper into them. 

Is there something to give thanks? Yes, I have many things to be thankful for. This year in particular my thanks go to my parents, for their love, strength, honesty, dignity, values, their simplicity and smile, how they always put us kids in the first place and did everything possible and sometimes the impossible to help us to grow and thrive in this world. 

They left us (3 kids, 4 grandkids, 2 grand grandkids) with many material treasures, but the most important of all are the memories which we will keep forever and hopefully pass through many generations. 

Thank you for being here with me and I hope you have something to give thanks today!

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34 thoughts on “Is there something to be thankful for?”

  2. Pingback: Is there something to be thankful for? – ✨🍜Bianca’s Lunch Break Stories 🍜✨

  5. So sorry for your loss, Elizabeth. It is hard to realise that there are none left to look up to and we now carry the baton.

    May I say that if it is real guilt you carry, to repent and set it down, but if it is not guilt, but shame, then to discard it as it does not belong to you. It sounds like you were well loved and loved well in return, no doubt doing your very best.

    May God console and comfort you in your grief.

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    1. Thanks so much, Dawn! I think I did my best but there is always the question of what if…, I read it part of the 5 stages of grief. Not sure, so many questions in my mind. Thanks again for you lovely comment.

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  6. It’s a rainy Thanksgiving Day here on the West Coast, your words are resonating with me and I’m very sorry for your loss. My father passed away 6 years ago in October and I think of him almost every day, as I write this, my Mom is currently in hospital recovering after hip surgery, I’m thankful I’ve been able to visit her and offer her some comfort. Take very good care of yourself and hang on tight to those precious memories…

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  8. Elizabeth, today I am thankful for all the kind people I have met through blogs. Yours stands out because you consistently encourage your readers to reflect on their experiences and to keep in mind that things can get better, even when you are struggling. I lost my father three years ago, and still feel that there is a hole in the world. Sending hugs and warm wishes.

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  11. I feel for you, though it’s many years since I became an orphan, I remember the guilt and grief, but mostly now the good memories, it just takes time. Sending higa.

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    1. You choose the right word ‘orphan’ we adults can be ‘an orphan’ too, I always related it to children alone in the world. I hope the good memories will take over the guilt and grief with time. Thanks, Jane!

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